"We're addicted to our guilt." Ken Wapnick says that all the time when he's talking about A Course in Miracles. We're addicted to our problems, our slights our hurts, etc. As he talks about this issue, it makes more and more sense. If I lose my problems, I'll have nothing to blame and if I have nothing to blame (for my condition) then at some point I have to accept the level of choice involved - My choice.
It's almost comical. I actually can watch my mind conjure a mission to find a hurt and then actively set sail in a sea of "the past" to find an instance or many instances proving that I had reason to be hurt. If I didn't find something juicy, I could always land on childhood. Yep, Childhood is a gigantic playground of past slights and hurts. It's the Twinkie of hurts filled with preservatives, never expiring; just sitting there looking innocent while silently promising that if we would just take one bite, we would be filled with delicious creamy center of hurts.
But why? Why does our mind tend to walk us, like dogs, back to places of hurt and sorrow? My spidey senses seem to think it's because we tempt it with some unconscious guilt of our own and it just takes the lead.
Guilt is ridiculously ubiquitous. If you look at the news and find yourself convicting a person who's on trial- you feel- GUILTY. If you buy into the someone's lament of how broke they are and you're financially comfortable- GUILTY!
Someone lost a pet - you didn't - GUILTY!
Did you get a birthday gift- didn't remember theirs - GUILTY. Here's a good one: You laughed at a joke that you later realized might be racist or in bad taste: GUILTY. Ever do a tiny white lie about the toilet seat? -GUILTY.
Oh I could go on and on but you already know what I mean. And the point is, once you crack open a little guilt, it's a free for all for your ego. Ken says Guilt is the result of believing that we did something wrong and the guilt begs for punishment. All of it keeps us focused on our fears and far away from the simple truth that God isn't vengeful or angry.
- Adapted from Mark's Power Peek