You can go on changing your husband or your wife a thousand and one times, you will again find the same type of person and the same misery repeated in different forms – but the same misery repeated; it is almost the same. You can change your partner, but you are not changed. Now who is going to choose the other partner? You will choose. The choice will come out of your immaturity again. You will choose a similar type of lover again.
The basic problem of love is to first become mature, then you will find a mature partner; then immature people will not attract you at all.
When you are a mature person psychologically, spiritually, you don’t fall in love with a immature person. It does not happen, it CANNOT happen. You can see that it is going to be meaningless.
In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.
A mature person has the integrity to be alone.
And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love.
And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.